i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
