quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
