Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
