A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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