My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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