I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
