My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
