Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
