Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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