Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize