...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
