having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
