Kiss
Puke
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
