how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
