is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
