HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
