I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
