i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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