I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
