Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
