so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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