He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
