like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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