The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
