Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
