She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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