This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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