I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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