This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
