i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
