Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
