She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
