No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
