stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
