My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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