there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
