i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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