So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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