Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
