She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
