life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
