someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
