so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
be right there i have to get my cape
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
