you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
