What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ketchup is God's man juice
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Enjoy the penises
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
