pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
