how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Randomize
