so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
