I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I could fuck to npr.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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