were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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