wake up i wanna do it froggy style
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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