I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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