College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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