We're like a lot better than the average bears
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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