Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
