You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
