I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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