Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
