i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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