If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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