there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
