We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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