There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
