I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
