I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
