Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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