good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
