So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
