she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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