so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
