I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bring me that man meat
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
